Thursday, January 8, 2009


Thanks for “inviting” me back!

Last week I introduced myself and mentioned that I desire to speak to those who feel all alone while searching for true meaning and purpose in their lives. I recognize that there are different reasons people fit into this category. Although I welcome others to “listen in,” if you have never stepped foot into a “church” or were “raised in the church,” but have come to be disillusioned by what you believe it represents, I’d like to specifically “visit” with you today.

May I begin by asking a favor of you? Please, don’t shut me out simply because I mention the name, “Jesus.” Would you be willing to grant me an opportunity to share some things with you before you make any decisions about whether or not I should be “allowed into your home” on an ongoing basis?

I would like to begin by asking you to forgive us professing Christians who have failed so poorly at being “Jesus with skin on” for you. Please don’t judge Him according to how the “established church” has often represented Him.

Although, I was “raised in the church,” I can identify with coming to a place where I, too, was so disillusioned by what I was seeing within the “establishment” that I began to question everything about it. During that time I wondered, “If I openly share my heart would anyone understand me?” I felt so alone. I was desperate to hear God’s voice and to feel His presence.

I recall crying out to Jesus, “If this is all there is to ‘church,’ what good is it? Nearly everyone in this ‘establishment’ is just ‘playing the game.’ Maybe I am no different! What I’m seeing and experiencing within “the four walls” certainly doesn’t reflect the Church Your Word describes. If this is all there is, Jesus, I can’t “play the game” anymore! If there is more, please show me. Reveal to me what You desire for Your Church today.”

May I suggest to you that the Jesus whom I’ve come to know and the picture that He revealed regarding His Church through that time of struggle is likely not the “Jesus” or the “church” you have witnessed outside nor experienced within the “establishment?”

Thanks for allowing me to share my heart with you. I hope you’ll “leave your door open” for me each week. The Jesus I’ve come to know is somebody you’d probably like to meet and what He desires for His Church just may appeal to you.

Whole-Heartedly, Bonnie


  1. Bonnie - Just thought I would let you know I am following this. I am just about finished reading Harlot Church System. Interesting and very thought provoking. This is a topic that has been on the fringe of many discussions lately for me. God's hand in my life never fails to amaze me. I look forward to some discussion here on this blog. As always love and prayers to my Iowa friends in Christ.

  2. I would like to comment starting with a couple of questions.
    1) How do you break free of the disillusionment?
    Or better worded;
    2) How does one erase the old illusion of the church in the mind?

    I am not sure why I thought that just because people who were all joining together in a building bought and built in the name of Christ would be without fail, and that the ones who had been in that church “forever” would act like true representatives of Christ. I guess I simply trusted because the church had been there for over 100 years. The peace I longed for was just not there. As I started searching my heart I began to realize that I didn’t “love” the church that truly existed. I loved an illusion. There was no peace within me from attending church. All I could focus on was the man made rules and orders of worship, some of which I had issues/disagreed with. It was then that I began to realize the emptiness and turmoil I felt inside had grown to great proportions and I had to walk away. I received a huge relief after I walked away. But, where to go after I walked away was the question. I believe my expectations of the church have kept me from loving the real church. But, my bigger problem is that I’m still not sure I know what the real church should look like. I continue my search.

    As you have probably already figured out, I am one of the “disillusioned” that you speak of. It seems I’ve lost track of my center since leaving the institutional church as I have known it. I know in my heart that in order to mature I have to move beyond the “disillusionment” of what church is. Lately I seem to be spending more time being disappointed and disgruntled than living in hope. Trying to figure out where I should be monopolizes my thoughts, energy and time. It also prevents me from seeing or acting in hope. I have my own worship time with the Lord on a daily basis which is wonderful, but those guilt feelings still creep in when people from my old church ask, “Where have you been?” I want to move beyond and be free from this too. Are there any ideas/suggestions out there?

    I know that I am the one who needs to change, but how? Help………………!

  3. Hi, Mountaingirl!
    Thanks for joining us! I pray that you will be blessed! Please, if you know of anyone who is struggling in the "institutional church" encourage them to join us. I believe with my whole-heart that the Lord has His hand on this and that they will be blessed. Thank you for your love and prayers. Hope to see you this summer!
    Love, Bonnie