I was visiting with our grandson,
Dominic on the phone the other day.
Dominic, who is five, had all
kinds of excitement to share. It was so
fun to hear his stories. Living hours
away, Dominic has yet to visit our new home.
I told him that I missed him and that it would be really neat if he
could come to visit us and see his horse friend, Wonder. When I asked if he thought he might do that
some day, Dominic quickly and emphatically responded, “No.” “Oh, why not,” I asked? “Because you live far, far away and I just
can’t get to you,” he asserted sadly. My
heart sank. In Dominic’s little mind,
Grandpa and I are alive, we are out there somewhere, but no matter how badly he
wants to, no matter how hard he tries, he could never ever get to us.
Dominic’s mindset reminds me of
where my heart has been numbers of times in my relationship with God. While I’ve trusted that He is alive and “out
there somewhere,” it seemed that no matter what I did, I just couldn’t “get to”
Him. Hours of prayer and intense study
of His Word not only seemed fruitless, it activated further frustration and
deeper longing. I’ve heard it said that
God is within us, so I even spent a great deal of time trying to be still in
order to find God within. The harder I
tried the more questions developed. The
confusion and frustration was over-whelming at times. Those around me didn’t seem to
understand. My questions were irritating
to more than a few. On one hand I was warned
to stop asking all these questions
and simply trust; on the other hand many admitted that they were also disturbed
by the allusive answers to such questions.
Consequently, they’d rather I keep the questions to myself. I suppose I could do that, but… something
inside of me compels me to ask:
While it might be humbling to admit, who of
us really “knows” God?
Isn’t there great pride and arrogance in
assuming that we can?
- Can
we possibly know and understand the One who brings both life and puts to death, who both heals and wounds (Deut. 32.39) and who
sets both blessings and curses
before us (Deut. 30:3)?
- Are
we capable of understanding the One who “make(s) peace and create(s) evil
(Isaiah 45:7)?
- How
do we rectify that evil and good come from the mouth of God (Lamentations
- What
do we do with a God who is Love (1 John 4:8), yet brings evil upon those
He created (Amos 3:6)? Why do we
blame evil on another when Scripture clearly reads that it comes from the
hand of God (Job
I’ve heard the standard
answers. Dare I say that I’ve “left no
stone unturned” as I’ve deciphered the “supporting” Scriptures many times, but
when the rubber meets the road, the supports are quite shaky and there seem to
be no reasonable answers. How dare I challenge
God’s Word and question God? Some would go
so far as to question my “Christianity”!
Let me give you a Scriptural example of a person who dared to do such a
thing. In doing so, I will also give you
an example of those who give all the “pretty,” prepackaged answers, but fail to
honestly ask the questions.
In his effort to understand God, Job
went so far as to question and accuse God.
Job’s friends, on the other hand, mouthed knowledge, but it was not living
knowledge of the God whom they claimed to honor. In their piety, they would never, ever
consider questioning God. Instead, they
simply accepted and trusted in what they had been taught. As much as we might want to believe and
portray that we are “good Christians,” the reality is… this is much more risky
than questioning and accusing God. Why? Because, while God left Job to wrestle in the
confusion and frustration manifested from his genuine desire to know and
understand his Creator, Father’s heart was touched by Job’s hunger for Him and
answered his prayers. On the other hand,
God was angry with Job’s arrogant friends who assumed they had a handle on
their Creator. In fact, He would not
even hear their prayers (Job 42)!
I realize that the questions are
unsettling. I understand that the
seemingly inconsistent Scriptural references can be more than we want to
consider. But… it is necessary. While the wrestling may never bring clear
answers in this life, it seems that it is necessary preparation for the next. Wishing I or someone else could help you
through the process? I will do
everything in my power to make it possible for my precious Dominic to get to
us, but neither I nor anyone else can give you
the answers for “finding” God, any more than Job’s friends could help Him. We all have to go through our own process of
questioning and searching. I can assure
you that, as much as this long lonely road seems fruitless at times, our
Creator declares,
If you look for me wholeheartedly,
you will find me, (Jeremiah 29:13).
Whole-Heartedly,
Bonnie
P.S. Please
feel free to contact me with questions, thoughts, topics you’d like to ponder
or to read past articles at: http://whole-heartedlife.blogspot.com/. You may also contact me at:
Bonnie
Jaeckle
In Search
of the Whole-Hearted Life
Diagonal
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