The Funeral - A Final Act of Love

My husband, Gary turned 65 in May.  Needless to say, he is much older than I (wink)!  Anyway… it seems that, when the bell tolls 65, insurance companies become quite interested in you.  We’ve received more calls from insurance agents this May than we have throughout our entire marriage!  While their primary concern is medical insurance, life insurance is usually offered also.  Asking the caller if they would be willing to give him a few minutes of their time since they’ve taken a few minutes of his, Gary astutely uses the opportunity to educate the lucky person about our perspective on traditional insurance practices.  Most listen respectfully, some ask very good questions and a few indicate that more of us should consider such an approach.

Our most recent salesman even received Gary’s education about our take on funeral arrangements,

“Our loved ones will place our bodies in a box that they build,

they will dig a hole on our land

and

they will cover us with dirt.”

The seller’s response was, “That surely can’t be legal; can it?”

While our perspective on the final act of love may seem cold to some and certainly goes against the flow of modern tradition, elaborate funerals and headstones were once perceived as idolatry, are certainly unnecessary and sadly counter the biblical concept of “dust to dust”.

Having experienced Momma’s recent death, I appreciate this quote from James Farrell’s, Inventing the American Way of Death, all the more:

     The paraphernalia of the American way of death keep people… from their own feelings… This social convention developed historically, but it continues today, as Americans delegate control of death and the funerals to specialized funeral service personnel.  Consequently, funerals are custom-made only in the same sense that automobiles are, the price we pay for paying our last respects in the American way of death is the price of our personality, which we have purposely withheld from the funeral.  By our passive role in directing our funerals, we have transformed an important rite of personal passage into an impersonal rite of impassivity.

Momma and Pappa purchased a burial plot and made some funeral arrangements, based upon tradition, in advance.  Consequently, our options outside those plans were somewhat limited.  While I realize that there are truly compassionate funeral directors, had we been more intimately involved in preparing Momma for burial, it could have enhanced our grieving process and drawn our hearts nearer to one another as siblings.  What memories would have flooded our minds had Sissy and I been able to adorn Momma in her beautiful dress, fix her hair and apply make-up on her like we did when we were kids.  What a precious closing to her life it would have been for the six of us to place Momma into a “treasure chest” that the boys had built together, dig her final resting place and lower her into it.  In not doing so, I believe that we missed out on something very important in the cycle of Momma’s life.

Our American culture has convinced us that we are demonstrating respect when we allow our loved ones’:

• veins and arteries to be drained of blood and filled with chemicals,
• chest and abdomen to be emptied of fluid and replaced with preservatives,
• eyes to be fixed shut using barbed objects under their eye lids,
• anus and vagina to be packed with cotton or screwed shut,
• face to be cosmetically “restored” using stage makeup, injections, plaster and/or wax!

Is this really what we desire as our “final act of love”?  Are there other options?  Stay tune for part two of The Funeral - A Final Act of Love.

Whole-Heartedly,

Bonnie

P.S.  Please feel free to contact me with questions, thoughts, topics you’d like to ponder or to read past articles at: http://whole-heartedlife.blogspot.com/.  You may also contact me at:

             Bonnie Jaeckle

             In Search of the Whole-Hearted Life

             Diagonal Progress

             505 Jefferson St.

             Diagonal, IA 50845

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O Death, Where Is Your Victory?

IN SEARCH OF THE WHOLE-HEARTED LIFE

O Death, Where Is Your Victory?

On June 6, 2012, Anna Ruth (Senders) Riley’s days on earth came to an end.  Receiving word of Momma’s death was bitter-sweet news.  Having always been strong and vivacious, it was heart-breaking to watch the Alzheimer’s progress as the days passed.  As empty as life feels without her, it is a relief to know that the debilitation has come to an end.

Amazingly, in all her confusion and memory loss, Momma never forgot the faces of her six children.  She’d forget that we’d come to visit five minutes after we left, but she always knew who we were when we came.  We were the apples of her eye, even to the very end.

Life was difficult for Momma.  Her childhood was unstable and married life brought no reprieve.  After seventeen years of painful loyalty, she packed-up her six children hoping to leave the insecurity behind.  While raising us alone was over-whelming, Momma worked hard to provide the security that we all needed.  It was obvious to all who knew her that Momma’s life revolved around her “babies”.

At the visitation, family and friends came to offer their condolences to the six of us while Momma lifelessly rested at the end of the room disconnected from all that was going on around her.  My husband, Gary sadly, but accurately pointed out that this was a stark picture of her last number of years; however… it isn’t the end of her story!

The next day, at Momma’s funeral, her love for Jesus was proclaimed.  We were all reminded that her strength and security was found in Him.  The vitality which she demonstrated was credited to her Savior.  The Source of her strength was pronounced and the Hope of her resurrection was declared.  While Momma’s earthly body remained lifeless, the Life that dwelled within her was very present.  I can’t imagine anyone leaving that service without feeling connected to Momma and hearing that, “Jesus is Lord!”

Indeed, Momma had a gift of bringing laughter, fun and creativity into most any setting she encountered.  She always looked for joy in life and, even through all the hardships, she demonstrated an undeniable strength.  Consequently, leaving Momma behind has always been difficult for me.  Stepping away from her one last time was no different.  While she’d not really been “present” for a number of years, the graveside brought a deep penetrating awareness that the security which she provided and her excitement for life were fast asleep.  It seemed that if I lingered by her side a bit longer, I wouldn’t have to face that reality.

After the funeral luncheon, Momma’s six children gathered together to read over her will and sort through her last few belongings.  Regardless of how much or how little is left behind, few families escape the anxiety produced from anticipating such moments.  Will everyone agree?  Will there be animosity?  Will unresolved issues come to a head?  Will the whole scene become a disgrace to Momma?  One never knows what reactions such strong emotions might trigger.  While Momma had minimal material resources, she would have been pleased to know how very much we inherited from her.  Not only were there no disagreements, love and respect was demonstrated, relationships reconciled, generosity offered and fairness sought.  We reminisced, we laughed, we cried and we encouraged one another in our pain.  The security which was handed down to us and the excitement for life that we’d inherited was alive in that room among Momma’s children.  What joy these treasures brought in the midst of our pain.

But… were do we turn from here?  We must stand firm in the Hope which Momma demonstrated so well.  We must cling to the promise that death has no power over those whom Jesus claims.  We must hold fast to the miracle that just as God brings life to a dead kernel of grain that has been sown in the ground, the lifeless body must first be buried in the grave before it can spring forth again in victory.

Momma’s body, deprived of all life was sown in weakness,

yet we must never forget that the day will soon come

when her grave will open

and

the bands of death will be loosed

and

she will be raised in power into new life!

For the Lord Himself will come down from heaven,

with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and (Momma) will rise (to) be with the Lord forever.

1 Thessalonians 4:16, 17

O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”

 thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:55, 57

AMEN!

Whole-Heartedly,

Bonnie

P.S.  Please feel free to contact me with questions, thoughts, topics you’d like to ponder or to read past articles at: http://whole-heartedlife.blogspot.com/.  You may also contact me at:

             Bonnie Jaeckle

             In Search of the Whole-Hearted Life

             Diagonal Progress

             505 Jefferson St.

             Diagonal, IA 50845

CARPET CLEANING IN YOUR UNDERWEAR

We have a really light-colored braided rug in our living room that shows every speck of dirt and every tiny stain!  Remind me to never mail order a rug again!  While I’m not the house cleaning fanatic that I used to be, I still don’t want our home to look like a pig pen!  So occasionally, I go to work on those rug stains.

I don’t know about you, but I get a bit concerned when spot removing products in spray bottles have this caution statement, “Avoid contact with skin and eyes.  Wear suitable protective clothing.  Avoid breathing vapor, spray or mist.”  Being that I’m spraying this stuff on my carpet, how is it that I’m to avoid getting those minute particles on my skin and into my lungs?

Regarding “personal protection” for general use the MSD (Material Safety Data) Sheet for one such product offers these suggestions:

Respiratory Protection

Where exposure cannot be adequately controlled by general or local ventilation, use appropriate respiratory protection to prevent over exposure.  An approved dust/mist respirator would be recommended.

Eye Protection: Chemical Resistant goggles or face shield

Protective Gloves: Water Impervious (Latex or Neoprene) Recommended

What are we supposed to do, don a hazardous material suit while cleaning our house?  Not this girl!  I’ve found something that works quite well for removing carpet stains without needing HazMat training or catastrophic survival gear. 

The steps to spotless carpets are not only simple and inexpensive;

they are so safe you can tackle them in your underwear if you prefer:

1. Always attack the stain as soon as you notice it.
2. While the stain is still wet, using a white or light-colored rag, blot the stain soaking up as much as possible.
3. Don’t rub!  Rubbing forces the stain into the fabric while blotting absorbs it into your cleaning rag.
4. *Repeatedly dip clean rag into a mixture of ¼ cup water with ¼ cup white vinegar and dab the carpet until the solution has embedded the remaining stain.
5. Dip the cloth in the solution again, place cloth on the stain and weigh rag down for 15 minutes giving the stain time to break down.
6. Repeat these steps until the stain is gone

* Note: On dry stains, begin with step #4.

Why in the world hadn’t someone thunk of this a long time ago?  Oh yeah, they did!  Regardless of how toxic the contents might be, for some reason we are just more attracted to the pretty packages on the store shelves and the persuasive, but deceptive media hype.  You don’t have to get sucked in… in order to get your stains out!

Whole-Heartedly,

Bonnie

P.S.  Please feel free to contact me with questions, thoughts, topics you’d like to ponder or to read past articles at: http://whole-heartedlife.blogspot.com/.  You may also contact me at:

             Bonnie Jaeckle

             In Search of the Whole-Hearted Life

             Diagonal Progress

             505 Jefferson St.

             Diagonal, IA 50845